Moving from “Me” to “We”

Feb 9, 2023

The decision to end a marriage is rarely made by both spouses at the same moment. Usually one of you, after much consideration, and possibly after efforts have been made to “save” the marriage, declares to yourself (and maybe to the other), “I am done.”

If you are the spouse on the receiving end of this message, your reaction could be one of shock, dismay, or a sad acknowledgment of something you may have seen coming but did not feel ready to accept.

For both of you, the immediate focus is likely to be on yourself, and a common thought is “What will this mean for me?” and, if you are a parent, “What will this mean for our children?”

It’s important for each of you to reflect upon what matters most to you about your future in the face of transition and uncertainty. With your future in the balance, both as an individual and possibly as a parent, putting “me” as a priority is to be expected.

If you choose to litigate your divorce, and take a risk of turning your divorce into a legal battle, the spotlight will remain on you, since all that will matter is what is important to “me.”

Mediation will require you to reframe the conversation from “me” to “we.” My role as your mediator is to support that shift…

On the other hand, mediation will require you to reframe the conversation from “me” to “we.” My role as your mediator is to support that shift, which means that you will each have a voice, you will each be heard, and together you will stay focused on what it will take for both of you to come to agreements on your own terms that don’t ignore what matters to each of you individually.

Mediation is a unique opportunity to channel what matters for each of you (the “me”) into a plan for you both (the “we”).