Transparency

Mar 11, 2022

As an individual, I would be the first to admit to being a private person. While I may share personal details with friends, I am less inclined to do so with those I don’t know so well. While I own a personal Facebook account (I even once posted on Instagram!), my activity is limited to mostly acknowledging the kind birthday wishes of others and offering news regarding the accomplishments of my children and grandchildren. (Yes, I am a proud dad and Papi!)

I have a completely different perspective when it comes to my work as a family and divorce mediator. I want you to know as much about me as you want to know, whether it’s about how old I am (see above—I’m old!), my life experience, even my thoughts when it involves the legal system that applies to divorcing couples. (Those are not particularly positive.) Mediation requires serious conversations that consider very personal topics. Your choice of a mediator is an important personal decision that you need to be comfortable with. When I am engaged to mediate, I take this as a symbol of trust based on your deciding that I’m a good fit for you and your spouse.

Just as I see transparency as being essential to how I present myself to you, the mediation process itself must be transparent and open.

Just as I see transparency as being essential to how I present myself to you, the mediation process itself must be transparent and open. This often begins with sharing my goals for the mediation process:

  • That you will be heard and understood
  • That, while a marriage is ending, parents will continue a lifelong relationship that can be preserved and enhanced through mediation
  • That we will address the economic challenges facing families that are transforming from one household to two
  • That decisions will be based on what works best for both of you and on informed choices

One of the key components of informed decision making is full financial disclosure. This aspect of transparency is not negotiable in my mediation practice. A marriage is, on one level, an economic partnership, and you both need to share with me and with each other the details of your financial circumstances. This transparency creates a level playing field, which reinforces my neutrality and ensures that financial decisions, like dividing your assets and debts, and creating a financial plan that establishes two sustainable households for you and your children, will be made under a bright light where we all see the same information. And can make the most appropriate choices.